Aside

Lung Biopsies, more surgeries and the unknowen

Ever since I found out about the new lung tumors earlier this year. My mind has been full of coherent and non-coherent stuff. I have trouble staying in the moment and I have also had a hard time with crying fits. Mark and I knew this day was coming when they would find more tumors and they would have to biopsy and remove said tumors. I go between thoughts about my youngest daughter growing up and the major amount of help my husband will nee to navigate the waters of puberty.
I just did not think it would coincide with my oldest daughter becoming pregnant and all the emotions that go along with that.
As well as my youngest coming into woman hood and dealing with some of the things we are getting to deal with that. Like squishy bras and such. The hardest thing is I still have to bathe her and help her dress. She has no clue what is in store for her. All she knows is one day she will bleed and she will think she is dying. Then she will become impossible to deal with. A teenager with the emotional age of a 5 year old girl. In some ways I wish there was a magic pill that would just stunt her growth a little until she catches up (like never). These are what my dreams are made of right now. Mainly that I am around and can navigate the waters for her father. Heaven help him.

I know my best frine and daughter will be there for her if I am not, but this still will be tricky without mom.

I wave tried so hard several times to put together letters to both my girls in terms they will understand. Shannon is a real grown up and you woud think it would be easy. Well let me tell you it is not. It usually starts out goof enough and ends in a blurey mess with me crying. So this time I think I will make this opend ended. I will start our with pictures.

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