I was at the doctor a week or so ago, after being in the ER for the third time in less than 3 weeks. My regular GP really is powerless to help me with my cancer symptoms and some of the problems that go along with it. He tells me he wishes he could help me more, but it is above his pay grade.
We have a pretty good relationship and kid around quite a bit. After all there is very little he can do for me and I know it is frustrating to him as well as myself. When we were done he asked me how I was really holding up. As per my usual I blurted out “I’m fine, I get up every morning like every other mom. I take care of my special needs child as well as my husband and older daughter (whom is getting married next month). I have a lot on my plate to say the lease.” Then I started to cry.
His response was to tell me not everyone could do what I can and carry it off day after day,and how strong I am (I don’t agree really as I am just doing what any mom would do. In my mind). I don’t have a choice. I can’t not get out of bed. If I let one day slip I slide fast…. Down that dark road many of us know all too well. Except I know myself, I get stuck in that dark place and it eats me alive.
I do my best to put a smile on my face and face each morning the best I can. Some days I am better than others, some days I spend on the verge of tears every second, like my life will fall apart around me at any moment. Some days I do spend in tears most of the day. I can tell you it is really hard to hide tears all day. Of course Mark sees through it and he does his best to bring me out of it.
I know most people with terminal illnesses will go through depression, anxiety and all the other fun bits that goes along with it. I have to say the past few months have been extra hard. With my daughter getting married and the fact we have had little to no help from the groom’s family or our own families. All due to different circumstances (so legit some totally bogus).
In top of everything else I now am getting billed for the formula that I was told was covered. Of course if my doctor had told me I would have to come up with a way to pay $250.00 dollars month for the next 8-10 months then I may not have done it and I might not be here today. The tube feeding is the only thing keeping me alive right now.
I am petitioning my insurance company under special circumstances (however I am also dealing with a third-party vender. I also have to explain to their billing that I cannot pay.) Would they please wait the 8-12 weeks it will take to get this worked out with my insurance company? Right now I am a month behind. I am praying they will be patient and wait. If not well I don’t know if I can continue the tube feeding.
If you can help , please do, just hit that little donate button on the right hand side. It does not have to be a lot of money.. I am more than appreciative. I wish I could say I could pay you back, but I know as of right now there would be no way. All the money donated goes towards medical supplies, travel to appointments and medical bills.
From the bottom of my heart I am pleading for help. If you can’t, well then you can’t. However you can pass it along to the next person who just might be able to. I am not greedy and do not expect all my bills to magically go away over night. I just need a little help right now to get over this little bump in our road.
I still appreciate you reading this and passing it on.