Who Am I?

Who am i?
To sum up the answer to this question I would say this. “I am a combination of my genetics, my past experiences & no relation to who I ever thought I would become.” I know I did not answer the question so; I will try my best at a subject I really do not know the answer to. Therefore, I get to fumble my way through this mystery. Maybe I will learn something about myself.

This is a funny question for me, partly because I have not thought about it in so long. I really focus on the here and now. I try not to focus on the past or the future. I think because both are painful for me to look at. The past for the horrible things I was put through and the future because well I honestly do not know how long I will be around and I do not like to think about it. I can honestly tell you I am not the person I thought I would become.

I am sure I had big dreams growing up, but I do not remember them. There are huge chunks of my past I cannot remember and it has always bothered me. I often rely on help from family members for help.
Before I really try to tackle this question, let me give you a little background. I was first born & have three biological sisters. My father was in the Army and obsessed about WWII. We lived in Germany until I was 11. I think LOL as I do not quite remember (how sad is that?). I do have vivid memories of traveling as a kid & visiting anything of significance to WWII. It really was quite an education to say the least & I am happy I remember most of the places we went.

We lived in so many places and I went to so many schools I could not begin to list. As a result, I never learned how to fit in. I never really made friends and honestly did not really care, as I was in my own world. It is not that I did not want to fit in or not have friends. I was almost incapable of this task. Was not until high school that I really started to make headway in that area, but I have never truly fit in even to this day I really struggle with this.
Being I had some truly horrible things happen to me, I will not go into any detail just suffice to say everyone has things happen. They changes us mold us into who we are.

I do not remember ever really thinking about what I was going to be when I grow up like most kids. Therefore, I cannot even say what I thought I might do. I was not encouraged to do anything really (part of my not so great past). I did awful in school & held back in the 5th grade. Now this was even worse because my one sister was 11 months younger than I was. Let us just say this was emotionally devastating to me in many ways. I guess I just stopped trying.

Fast forward a few years to after I got married, I tried for years to forget my past and well was quite successful *laughing* cause I still don’t remember much to this day.

I live by a few rules (though not rules as many as Gibbs (from NCIS))…I am also not perfect and I do stray from my rules on occasion.

First is the golden rule with a bit of Karma mixed in Do unto others, as you would have done unto you. I believe if you do not it will come back and bite you in the butt. I truly believe if I do not then it will come back to me 10 fold. I have learned this lesson a few times and do my best to live by this. I am the one who will let someone cut in front of me and not really fuss about it.

Second, if you do not have anything nice to say do not say anything at all. I have my grandma to thank for this one. I heard it constantly growing up and just kind of adopted it because well it just makes sense. I am not perfect. I try hard to be as nice as I can to everyone. I try to empathize & comfort when I see someone who needs it.

I do not like to dwell on my problems or troubles. If I did, I would not be a very nice person and no one would want to be around me. I try to be grateful for what I have. I have a wonderful husband and kids. I am blessed.

The best answer I can give is I am a child of God. I try to live my life in a way that would please him.


Comments are closed.