Was at the pharmacy a few weeks ago and overheard a woman telling the clerk she had been declared cancer free. She went on to tell how she had had the surgery to remove the breast cancer, had done the chemo (radiation had not been needed) and had done 6 months of medication. She had just gotten the results of all her tests earlier that day. She was over the moon understandably and just wanted to scream it to the world. It was hard not to interrupt her and let her know how wonderful that was. So I told her congratulations on her news and gave her a hug. She was gracious and maybe a little taken back that a stranger would do that, but also happy to accept the gesture.
As I walked out I was hit with a second emotion. I was happy for her anyone would be, but I also had a feeling of jealousy at the same time. I actually had the thought of why did she get better and not me? Not that she doesn’t deserve to be cancer free; no one deserves a diagnosis of cancer. Just that I will never hear that phrase told to me. I am not someone who dwells on stuff and I don’t do the self-pity thing. On the contrary I try to make the best of it. After all I could be so much worse. I actually have been quite lucky and for now stable.
I have so much else going on in my life with PA, my 16 year old and my husband that I just don’t have time to think about myself. I have tried in the past year or so to start taking better care of myself, I am far from perfect. I cannot do all the things I use to do and I have to pace myself more. Use to take me a couple of hours to clean my house, now it can take me days. I use to be able to do all the laundry in one Sat. now takes a weekend. I still try to tackle everything like I use to, and well that never goes over well. I usually spend the next several days couched as I put it. That’s where my sweet hubby will tell be to plant my behind on the couch and do nothing for a few days. I guess I need to work on the whole taking better care of myself thing **laughing**. It’s really not an easy thing to do for me.
I really was happy for that lady at the pharmacy she was so happy. Someday I hope maybe I will hear the same words told to me. Until then I am going to raise my family take care of myself and have as much fun doing it as I can.